Tonight I had two wonderful friends come to my house for a visit. Both have incredible spirits, endless love, and tremendous amounts of compassion for people. Both of these gals embraced my home, my husband, my animals, and most of all, Maddox. They did this without thinking twice, without batting an eye. These are the kind of friends my parents always told me to pick. The ones that will support you through your toughest hour. We had a wonderful time time, ordered dinner, and played with a huge box of educational toys (and my friends know how much I love educational toys). When it was time for them to go, one gal said it was nice to see me smile again. I have been caught, yes little bit of that heavy cloud was lifted tonight. I think I am getting lost in some of the good moments and it feels refreshing to be able to breathe again.
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I woke up sick to my stomach. Today was a day that I have been dreading. I have my first outing that I have to take Maddox because I do not have a babysitter. I am worried that she won’t behave while I get my teeth cleaned. I am also worried about what everyone at the dentist office will say. Do I tell them or not. If I don’t will they feel silly the next time they see her? If I do, how will they react? If I don’t say anything, will they notice her features and wonder if I know. Oh, this gets so complicated. I just want to stay in bed all day. My mom convinced me that this will be ok, I will be ok. Everyone at the office will help me take care of her while my teeth are getting cleaned and the right words will flow out of my mouth exactly as they are supposed to. Guess what....No, I did not cry. My mom was right. The visit went perfect. The secretary held Maddox the entire time and the words did flow out of my mouth perfectly. Today I jumped over a few more hurdles. I began to think I just might be able to do this. My mind did a complete 180 degree turn. Previously I had been worried about Maddox’s future. Today I am ok with the big picture, I am just terrified of the moment. I am terrified because I think I am falling in love with this little girl. |
Why blog?These are personal realtime reflections that we have opted to share openly and honestly so you and others can learn about our journey. Archives
November 2021
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