I rewrote this blog several times. There was so much I wanted to share about Maddox's first week at school. I wasn't sure how much detail to go into without boring you. 

Tonight, I am typing while Maddox bathes, in awe that my baby girl just completed her first full week of school. I am kind of surprised I even allowed it to happen!  I quickly had to learn to relinquish my parental control and depend on others.

This week, I put her on a bus with strangers and prayed she'd get safely to her destination. I counted on her teachers to make sure she didn't choke during lunch time. I counted on the babysitter to be there to get her off the bus.  As a mom, you have to learn to trust that everyone will do what they say and that is a huge delegation of responsibility, something I was not prepared for - at all.

I have to admit, the night before Maddox's first day I slightly panicked about her not being able to communicate her name to a stranger if she needed help or was lost.  I got out everything she owned and started writing oher name and my phone number on it.  

The week is over now, I can breathe a bit easier and what I have learned is that I am thankful to live in a town with so much compassion. All of the strangers Maddox encountered this week felt my new mommy pain and went so far very out of their way to make this insecure parent comfortable. 

I had the opportunity a year ago to take a job teaching at a prestigious college, but one of the weighing factors of our decision was where we wanted Mddox to grow up. Our choices were between raising her in a large city with many programs, or a small but welcoming community with not so many programs to choose from.  This week I learned we made the right decision.  We most definitely live in a heck of a small community and the people here showed me time and time again this week. 

There was one night where I was in tears debating on if we had made the right decision but Maddox kept coming home sharing new things, new songs, new handmotions, new signs, new words, you name it.  I snuck in one day to observe. She walked in a line, she put her coat away, she followed directions, she played house!  I had honestly doubted whether Maddox would succeed in a classroom of 16 kids.  Really, I think I learned the most important lesson this week, not her.  

Stop doubting what Maddox is capable of.  

Many many years ago, I was nearly denied a chance at a public education and was told I'd do better in a school for the deaf. I can only imagine what my life would be like today had I not been mainstreamed with speaking and hearing peers. I continually ask myself, how can someone learn to live in a mainstream society if he/she were taught in a secluded society?  That is a talking point for a whole different blog!

In summary thought, after this week, I am able to sit back and watch the magic of education unfold.  There is no doubt in my mind I made the right decision to put Maddox's life in the hands of a public school teacher. They have been able to offer her more for her in a week than I have in a year. 

(That message aside, Maddox wouldn't have been in the place where she was, ready to begin preschool with the same skills as every other peer without the support of our incredible baby sitter and therapists.)

On to week two, look out world, Maddox Lucille is here to shake it up a bit.

Dear Maddox, 

It's your mommy.  She cant sleep. Her brain is on overdrrive with all the things she wants to tell you before sending you off to school for the first time.

Embrace the next 12 years because there will be times in your life you'd give anything to go back to preschool where your biggest problem is who the caboose will be.   

Mommy's thinking of the million lessons you'll need to learn. She knows she will probably leave something out but promises you these are really good ones to start with. 


Please know, 

You will be stared at.  Smile back. 

You will be pushed.  Dust yourself off.

You will take longer than others.  Always finish.

Your crayons will be stolen.  Offer up your entire box.

You will be knocked out of line.  Offer to hold hands. 

You will be asked to count to five.  Count to ten.

You will be called names.  Understand they are insecure. 

You will meet new friends.  Choose them wisely.

You will fail a test.  Learn from your mistake. 

You will get your heart broken.  Know it's their loss. 

You will be the final one picked. They saved the best for last. 

You will be doubted.  Prove them wrong. 



Baby, as I dress you tomorrow in your newly ironed back to school clothes and as I carefully comb the hair out of your eyes I will think of the lives you are going to change. You are made of determination, perseverance, and sprinkled with an over abundance of love. Never let anyone stand in your way. You are unstoppable. You are Maddox Lucille. 

With all my love on your very first, first day of school!

~Mommy

I have to be honest. There still isn't a moment of a single day that I don't ache about the idea my only daughter has Down syndrome.

But what if she didn't, what if she could be cured? I'm probably going to lose a lot of followers but understand this is my opinion, this is where I am in this journey.

There's been a buzz of discussion about the latest research published in July regarding a cure for Down syndrome, shutting the extra chromosome off and the DS community has frantically reacted.

Here are my initial thoughts.

1. The DS community is worried about the extinction of or babies, the extinction of Down syndrome. Seriously folks I have tried every possible angle and can't wrap my brain around why having fewer people with Down syndrome is a fear? Help me to understand.

I'm sorry but if fewer people will have the opportunity to bypass countless hours of therapy, the taunting of peers, rejection, medical appointments, surgeries, etc... I'm all about supporting this scientific endeavor.

2. My second point is that the reality of the cure is so far fetched that there is no reason to panic, not now, and not even 100 years from now.

Last month marked the first time this experiment has been successful turning off one tiny single chromosome in a Petri dish. (A chromosome is a strand of DNA that contains hundreds of genes. Genes contain the codes to build and sustain life.)

They have just initiated trials on mice but are unsure that the result found in them are going to yield the same results as in humans.

Plus, gene therapy would entail switching off the extra chromosome in every cell - in the entire body AND would

likely have to be done very early in pregnancy which would mean we would have to have a confirmed diagnosis of Down syndrome about the time you receive a positive pregnancy test. Heck, we haven't even perfected diagnosing Down syndrome at full term, let alone 3 weeks into a pregnancy.

3. If someone has seriously come to me offering Maddox a cure for heart disease, thyroid disease, facial deformities, hearing loss, tooth development, problem solving, memory recall, word recognition, digestive issues, Leukemia, early onset Alzheimer's,increased processing speed, strength, and gave her a voice, etc... Why in the world would I not consider it?!

Taking that stance, at least in my mind isn't changing the person Maddox is, it's about giving her a chance at a healthy life. Her focus then shifts from using every ounce of energy on staying medically healthy to being able to focus on things that she has chosen are important to her.

4. People in the DS community are commenting that this research study means we are playing God. Here's a point to consider. Today, 80 percent of babies with chromosomal disorders are miscarried. 20 percent are carried and delivered. That 20 percent exists because doctors have the medical tools and medicine to detect and treat complications preventing the bodies natural desire to miscarry. So I ask, at what point are we playing God, aren't we already? My whole purpose for bringing this up is to show that reason doesn't fly with me.

We have been playing God long before this time, the day ultrasounds were invented, the day epidurals were created, the day we started using tocolytic medications to slow preterm contractions.

In summary, I just want to say, "It's only research, roll with it, let 'em learn from it." The decision to turn off Down syndrome will always be your own personal decision, nobody will force you into it, and absolutely nobody should judge anyone because of the decision they make. But I will confidently admit, I'd totally do it.

I'd trade all the health conditions Maddox will ever face in her lifetime in exchange for a glimmer of a chance to experience a typical relationship, play on a for real sports team, drive a car on the interstate, graduate with honors from a university, get a salaried professional job, build a home, and raise her very own family.

Yes there are some of you that will comment, "My kid with Down syndrome does all these things." I get that. I get that there are supports and exceptions and shortcuts that allow our kids to be as normal as possible and believe me when I say I am so flipping thankful for those resources but there's a part of me, deep inside, that still has those realistic dreams for my baby girl and I'm not sure they will ever go away.

Peace out, thanks for listening, and once again these are my raw unedited feelings. I'm sure a lot of you will be upset with my stance but I pray I'm also the voice for those of you not brave enough to speak up.

All I ask is that you keep your comments nice and let's have a great discussion!

The birth of the royal baby, yes I have to admit I was caught up in the action and hype for many reasons. Only, I have a feeling my reasons are only partly similar to the rest of the worlds.

The fantasy princess in me enjoys the fairytale of the commoner meeting a prince, falling in love, having a cinderella wedding, living in a castle, and having a baby. Life couldn't be more magical for Kate and I was completly absorbed by watching her live out every girls dream.

But when I heard they were not going to find out the sex of the baby I secretly panicked for them. I began to wonder if they knew what they were in for asking for a surprise at birth. I was thinking to myself, if the ultrasound tech doesnt look at gender, did they look at everything else closely enough? Were the cord vessels accounted for, was there a nasal bone detected, did the radiologist measure the nuchal thickness precisely, were the ears landmarked accordingly, was the heart chambers and function monitored thouroughly?

So many things are supposed to be detected via ultrasound but so often I think we get caught up in the routine of normalacy, assuming that all is well with the baby as long as he/she is growing and moving correctly.

I wondered what Kate was thinking throughout her pregnancy. Did she expect anything less than perfect? Was she ever scared that something might not go as planned? Did she think about how she would tell the world that her baby was not perfect if that became the case?

And then what? What would the worlds reaction be to the news that Kate's baby had a disfigured face, a heart condition, too many fingers, or so on.

You would see the Inquire blame Kate for what she ate or lack of prenatal care. Other's might blame the mishap on the foods or vaccinations she received while she was pregnant. There would be a very very small population that would defend her saying, "There was absolutely nothing Kate did to cause these defects.". Do you see my point? So often the blame somehow unintentionally gets put on the mother. We must be very careful how we treat new moms who are grieving surprises at birth and help them validate their thoughts and feelings reassuring them that this was in no way their fault.

And further in my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if an imperfect baby would be stripped of the honor of being a prince? What if the position as a future ruler was taken away because the baby had a cognitive impairment? All of this stripped from an innocent baby, less than one day old.

My point being.... What is the worlds perception of perfect? In the flash of a moment we place so much judgement on an innocent baby.

We need to start giving chances during those moments, not doubts. We live in a world where we are innoent until proven guilty. Why is this not the case with those who have special needs?

Why can't we assume these kids will do everything you and I can do, untill they show us otherwise?!!

The birth of the royal baby has my mind spinning not only about the worlds view of perfection but also about the demands of a special needs mother.

If Kate's baby did have something wron, would she be able to put aside her day job and assist with countless hours of physical, occupational, and speech therapy? Would she stay awake at night after her royal family has gone to bed and research the condition, treatments, best doctors, special diets, etc...? Would she get enough time off from work to get the baby to the 9 specialty doctors the baby would be assigned to? Would Kate have the time to repetitively teach the baby how to sit, crawl, stand, hold a cup, how to take a drink, when to use a spoon verses a fork, concepts such as hot/cold, big/little. Would she be available at all hours of the night to suction or reposition the baby and still look glowing in morning?

You get the idea. The demands of a special needs mom are never ending and exhausting. I know those of you who do not have special needs kids are thinking that motherhood is demanding or exhausting but I have both and can honestly say that raising MacGregor has been hands down a piece of cake compared to raising Maddox.

Here is just an example. At dinner MacGregor can stuff a piece of toast in his mouth and knows how to manipulate this so he doesn't choke. Maddox has a smaller airway and bites must be closely monitored. MacGregor automatically knows a spoon is for scooping and a fork is for poking. I've been teaching Maddox this concept for one year now, at every meal, every day. I draw pictures and make her use her fork to try and scoop Showing her it won't work. I rack my brain on how to get her to understand. MacGregor can pick up a cup of milk and guage how much to tip into his mouth and Maddox is still working on this skill two years later. I can give MacGregor a napkin and he says thank you. I give Maddox a napkin and we must work using sign language, pictures, and articulation techniques to get this simple phrase out.

Would Kate seriously have the time to turn every breathing moment into a teachable moment and spend every possible extra moment practicing?

I guess I must end my spout of random thoughts. Everything turned out perfect and Kate won't be faced with the hardships of what we special needs mother's go through. I don't want to be biased to only special needs though because motherhood for all children takes an amazing strength, passion, and commitment. It's something we wouldn't trade for the world. Thanks for checking out my blog, now go take 30 seconds and dedicate them to each of your babies, look at them, breathe them in, smile at them, and tell them how much you love them.

It happened. It FINALLY happened. The moment I have longed for since the day Maddox was born.



You see, three years ago we sat in a hospital room with a little baby. The doc gave us information about how Maddox would have heart surgeries, need glasses and possibly hearing aids. She may have gastrointestinal problems and will definitely be delayed in all areas of development. Yes, all things a new mom doesn't want to hear about their brand new cute baby lotion smelling newborn.

Let me tell you what happened today. I had a one hour conversation with the team from U of M regarding the results of Maddox's neuropsych testing.  Lets just say she blew the docs right out of the water. But that's small potatoes compared to what happened next.



Maddox came home this afternoon from a three day vacation with her babysitter. She was exhausted, running on no nap, and had to get up at 7:00 AM for speech therapy tomorrow so I tried to tuck her in early.  I gave her a drink of water, kissed her, and said, "I love you." 

Without missing a beat Maddox says, "LOVE YOU TOO MUM."




Whaaaat?!  Seriously?!  Tears to my eyes.



In the background I see Scott smile and hear him proudly say, "Good job honey." 



There are two defining verbal moments in this journey so far. One on the night Maddox was born, Scott grabbed my face in the hospital room.  He held his forehead against mine and repeatedly said, "I need you. I can't do this alone." 

I think back to how low we were that night and to hear Scott three years later witnessing this prized moment right with me is priceless. 

Even though some days I don't feel like it, today shows just how far we've come.

A bag packed for my mom, MacGregor, and myself.  Two bags packed for Maddox.  

What exactly do I think about when packing for U of M?  

I tend to dress Maddox in the most stunning clothes and do this because the doctors downstate see many, many kids who have Down Syndrome and I feel as though sometimes they think becuase they have seen one, they have seen them all.  

I need Maddox to stand out and have her needs be treated individually.  In response to my questions, I often hear feedback such as, "Most kids with down syndrome end up with glasses.  Most kids with down syndrome are hard to understand.  Most kids with down syndrome can go to public school but wont graduate with a real high school diploma."  The list goes on about what most kids do.  The doctors tend to put my daughter in a textbook category but fail to recognize that while the diagnosis may be the same, the conditions associated with it are most definitely not.  

What I mean is, let's say I tell my doctor I have a severe hearing loss and the doctor tells me that I need to position myself up front when in large crowds to hear presenters, I must use augmented devices like microphones attached to others when in a restaurant, flashing fire alarms, and a vibrating alarm clock.  Yes, typically someone with a severe hearing loss would need these things.  I don't.  I can read lips so I don't need microphones.  I have a dog that alerts me when the alarms go off and I have an alarm clock that slowly lights up to wake me and when that fails, and I have an awesome husband who serves as my second set of ears.  My point is that diagnosis's mean nothing and categorizing a person based on a diagnosis is near criminal.  Instead, I challenge the doctors to take time to learn about the individual, their needs, and what works for them.  

So back to packing Maddox's suitcause...  Each outfit is carefully picked, decked out with glitter and lace so she stands out.  This way people will stop to talk to her and are dumbfounded when she.....ACTUALLY RESPONDS!

It goes like this, "Hi cutie, I love your dress."

Maddox stops and says, "Hi, thank you, yeah, pretty."

The people usually giggle in astonsihment that Maddox cares about her pretty dress.  Once they realize this, they start the conversation, "What's your name?"  I pray with all my might, the hours we spent working on this pays off and she responds, "Maddie."  The adults usually say oh my, then you can watch the curiosity get the best of them and they want to know how old she is.  Holding up a few fingers, Maddox responds, "Three."  Then I get the smile, the look I have been waiting for and the, "Wow, she is doing really well."  

Mission accomplished.  Moving on!

One more person, one more heart we reached.  One step closer to our mission of showing the world that Maddox can do anything that anyone else can.  

Ok, now really, back to the suitcase.  I must also remember to pack all of her medicines, vitamins, foot braces, IEP/school paperwork and completed medical questionnaires.  Next, I review her appointment schedule and write down all the addresses.  This is a unique trip because MacGregor is seeing the Otolaryengologist too, because of a cyst in his mouth.  He also gets routine hearing tests because of his increased risk for hearing loss.  So, our crazy U of M agenda looks like this.

TUESDAY
Drive to the Kellogg Eye Center at 7:30
8:00 Maddox Pediatric Opthamology 

10:00 Drive to the Burlington Center
10:20 Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation

11:30-12:30 Carb load at the Olive Garden.

12:30 Drive to Mott's Children's Hosptial
1:00 Maddox Hearing test
1:45 MacGreagor Hearing Test
2:30 Maddox Otolaryengology 
3:15 MacGregor Otolaryengology

WEDNESDAY
9:00-12:30 Neuropsychology

I also have to remember to pack sippy cups, diapers, wipes, extra outfits, and snacks too.  Because the kids need a positive experience, I always book a hotel with a pool which means swim diapers, floaties, and swimsuits for all of us.  (FYI for all you parents out there, always always ask your hospital if there is a hospital rate.  I have been blessed to have this financial accommodation.)

For the car ride, gotta make sure each kid has a backpack full of their favorite toys and the absolute must remember to pack is the latest Elmo and Barney movie collection.  The night before I go, my car is filled up with gas and throughout the night I wake up in a panic wondering if I have forgotten anything - - - like my phone charger!

Once at the hotel, unloading the car with two kids literally fills the luggage cart.  

Fast forward to our appointments. How did they go?

Maddox's vision and depth perception is great although she is going to need tubes placed in her tear ducts.  I opted not to do it right now, but to wait until she is under for another surgery and will tie the two procedures together.    

Physical Medicine and Rehab said her foot braces are not doing a thing and we need to schedule an appointment with the orthotist to have them remade.

Maddox is complaining of right ear pain and her audiogram showed diminished hearing on that side, just outside of the normal range.  The left side is normal.  Her typmanogram did not move like it should for the right side either.  Antibiotics were prescribed, possible ear infection.  The good news is the tubes are in place and still working.

MacGregor on the other hand.  He went down because of a cyst in his mouth and the otolaryngologist wants to cut it out in August.  This was the result of his not so pleasant exam.  The good news for MacGregor is that his hearing is great, a thousand times better than mine!!

That night we hit the pool and ordered room service.  Two salads and two cheesecakes for 30 bucks and 
look how big the salad was!  It came in an Olive Garden bowl, crazy but delicious.  

The next day Maddox had her three hour test.  She was very resistant and kept asking to leave to go potty.  Guess the late night room service and full day of doctors appointments the day before was not the way to go for the most important test of her life which which would give us baseline cognitive processing data.  This information is designed to give us Maddox's strengths so that her teachers next year can incorporate these in their teaching.  With LOTS of treats, we got her through it.  I felt a little like Pavlov training a dog to salivate when a bell rang.  Basically we would ask Maddox to point to a picture and if she did this, she would get a sip of juice. The answer didn't have to be right, she just had to participate.  We saw a true three year old tantrum at this appointment.  I didn't know whether to be excited or scared! The results won't be in for a month and we will have a follow up appointment.  

After this appointment my mom, MacGregor, Maddox, and I packed up and headed for home.  We doctored, we shopped, we swam, and we ate like there was no tomorrow.  My mom came to help with the trip to Ann Arbor but also stayed for the week.  The next post will reveal the fun we had breaking all the rules.  

The photo below I had to share, is MacGregor stuck in the table in the hotel.

Thank you to all those who sent a quick note sending us thoughts for our trip.  I smiled at each one and thought about the support while we waited for each appointment.  

You have all heard me say, "This week we have our U of M appointments."  I spit it out like it's nothing.  But in reality, I have just rehearsed that line well enough to convince you it is no big deal.  This week in particular, I feel like my life with Maddox is a big test and U of M day is the exam because Maddox doesn't get analyzed.......  

I do.  

On the U of M day, it is all about what "I" have done.  Did "I" plug her ears every time she so much looked at water.  Have "I" been using the speech cards with her?  Do "I" wash her tear ducts with the special cloth?  Do "I" give her the DHA vitamins daily?  Did "I" get her to Speech, OT, and PT for school and outpatient?  Did "I" get her new foot braced fitted?  The list of things that "I" was supposed to do, get me so anxious and I often wonder, "What if Maddox fails one of the doctors tests and it's my fault?"  I dislike feeling as though I am being judged as a mom based on my daughter's performance.  

I also show up to U of M angry.  Angry that I even have to be doing this.  Angry that my mom came to visit and instead of playing at the beach, I have to haul her to U of M to be my assistant.    Angry that the money I would have saved for a vacation is spent on hotels and food for doctors appointments.  Angry that I have to fill out redundant paperwork about her health.  With all the technology and computer systems, you would hope that gender, birthday, medical diagnosis, hand dominance, age of mother at birth, could be locked into the system by now.  Heck, the government probably knows this information!  (I just couldn't pass that up.)   

Also on this day, I feel sad.  Sad that my daughter has to be touched, prodded, poked, and quizzed only to hear the soft words, "She's reaching her full potential."  Sometimes I just want to shout back, "Do you know how tall a sunflower will grow BEFORE you plant it?  Because seriously, how can you determine a person has reached their full potential when they are only a CHILD?"   

I feel overwhelmed.  I can't sleep because I wonder if I have all the addressed typed into he GPS correct because I don't want to miss any of these fully booked appointments.  Our schedule starts at 8:00 on Tuesday at the Kellogg Eye Center with the Pediatric Opthamologist.  At 10:20 we drive to another part of town to the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation doc.   At 1:00 we head to Mott's Children's hospital for the hearing test and at 2:00 we see the Otolaryengologst.  The next day we drive across town again to see the Pediatric Neurologist for a 3.5 hour appointment.  Thank goodness we just saw the cardiologist or he would have been on this roll call too.  

And what happened to the basic medical things like well baby appointments and shots?  Well, those are long gone, low priority, and on the back burner.  We are so far behind on them it is not even funny.  After spending so much time at the doctors, thinking about scheduling one appointment more puts me over the edge.    

So, on the eve of U of M day, I am feeling tested, angry, sad, and overwhelmed.  

Don't feel bad though, in 48 hours it will all be over (and I'll be able to breathe for six months until we do it again in December)!  Check back in a few days, for an update on 'my' exam scores!! 

Yes we have two children 19 months apart and there are so many reasons why we decided to bring MacGregor into this world.

The night Maddox was born I stood in the corner of the hospital room sobbing wondering what to do with my life.  All I wanted was to leave Maddox in the hospital, pack my things, go home, pretend this didn’t happen and simply start over.  It was that instant in the dark corner that I knew I wasn’t going to be whole until I held a ‘healthy” baby.

Every minute that ticked by after Maddox’s first year with us, I was consumed with getting pregnant.  I was torn between nursing Maddox like a good mom or stopping so that my body would return to normal and we could start trying again.  Finally, when Maddox was 11 months old I did quit and my body resumed instantly.  It had taken one year to get pregnant with her so naturally I thought it would take some time before we conceived again.  6 weeks later we received a positive pregnancy test.  I was excited but knew deep down that the stress of carrying this baby would take its toll.  What would I do if our first doctor was right, what if we genetically couldn’t create a normal child?  After many, many tests and ultrasounds, everybody was convinced that this baby was fine - but me.  It wasn’t until MacGregor was placed on my stomach that I felt the weight lift.  I locked eyes with the midwife for confirmation.  She smiled, and I knew things were good.

Other than my own craving for normality, why else was MacGregor needed?  The obvious is that someday Scott and I won’t be around to care for Maddox and we needed to be sure she would have family to watch over her.  The question that lingers is do we put this sole responsibility on one sibling, one that never ever asked for this burden?  Or do we have two kids, who would be able to split holidays and share responsibility?   I often wonder if my kids ever secretly blame me for giving them this lifelong responsibility?

Another reason for having MacGregor is larger than life itself.  His cord and tissue was sent to a secure cryogenic location and will be stored in the event that Maddox develop a blood or tissue disease (and hey, we’ve hit all the odds so far so I wasn’t ruling this one out).  With the trending positive outcomes in stem cell treatment, we just couldn’t chance not having this resource available to Maddox.

Before Maddox was born we had planned on spacing our kids apart in age but research was saying that peer to peer support is the number one most effective intervention.  Which meant, we needed to have a peer for Maddox and thus became MacGregor.  His unspoken job was to teach Maddox to crawl, walk, climb, run, talk, drink from a cup, use a fork, climb a slide, and the list goes on. 

I often wonder if we made the right decision but today, I shot this video of the two kids and my fears were eased.  There is so much peer to peer support in this video I can’t stand it!!

Father's Day was filled with travel and fun.  We spent some time with the grandparents, cousins, and some good friends.  Had an awesome slumber party in which the kids slept great!!  Sunday was filled with travel, errands, and housework but we were able to take a moment to enjoy a cold one and read a few pages of a book while the kids played in the sandbox.  Also enjoyed popcorn, ice cream, and a family movie..  As Scott was falling asleep, I remembered I had not given him his card yet.  Darn near had to wake him back up so he could read it.

Thank you all for waiting so patiently while Maddox's site was rebuilt.  There won't be many posts from year two to three, but I assure you that you will be able to read all about it as a lot has developed.  I am in the process of writing a book that will be published by Penguin Group/Author House.  Often times grief is discussed in terms of loss, but not in terms of what is gained and how cope with something you really didn't anticipate.  The book will cover the first three years of our lives in relation to the grief I experienced.  The book is designed for new parents learning to cope and will have ideas and strategies provided by a psychologist.  At the end of each chapter, I share our personal story of healing.