24 MONTHS
You betcha Maddox blew out her own birthday candles!!!
(Thank you Sarah Rosenfeld Johnson-Speech Therapist and owner of Talk Tools)!
(PS. Read the entire post before judging my raw emotions.)
I’d be lying if I told you the days leading up to today were fantabulous. I had many meltdowns some with my husband present, others while kissing Maddox goodnight watching her sleep, sometimes I’d even be sitting all alone and the tears would start to flow. I tried hard to narrow down what exactly it was that was getting to me this week.
Because when the hubby asks what’s wrong, you better have an answer...Replying, “I don’t know” doesn’t cut it :)
24 months. That’s all it’s been. Two years sounds like a long time and yeah it seems to have went fast but seriously 24 months is all it’s been and the world expects that I have healed and moved on.
No.
Not quite. As we approached the days and hours leading up to Maddox’s second birthday all I could think about was the happiness we thought we would endure that day. The birth of our little baby girl. The little girl that would grow into my best friend, we would share secrets and late night root-beer floats. The little girl that would come home to tell me all about how she held hands on her first date. The precious baby that Scott would walk down the isle and give away to a wonderful gentleman. Yes, basically I still grieve the loss of the little girl I thought we were going to have.
12:02 that day went from this.....
Because when the hubby asks what’s wrong, you better have an answer...Replying, “I don’t know” doesn’t cut it :)
24 months. That’s all it’s been. Two years sounds like a long time and yeah it seems to have went fast but seriously 24 months is all it’s been and the world expects that I have healed and moved on.
No.
Not quite. As we approached the days and hours leading up to Maddox’s second birthday all I could think about was the happiness we thought we would endure that day. The birth of our little baby girl. The little girl that would grow into my best friend, we would share secrets and late night root-beer floats. The little girl that would come home to tell me all about how she held hands on her first date. The precious baby that Scott would walk down the isle and give away to a wonderful gentleman. Yes, basically I still grieve the loss of the little girl I thought we were going to have.
12:02 that day went from this.....
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To this...
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So here we are 730 days later. I have only had 730 days to process the new life that lie ahead of us. While yes, every day continues to be a struggle and I can not lie, with every new birth there is an eentsy weentsy bit of jealously that pulls on my heartstrings, along with a great big truthful congratulations.
So basically, I may never be over the loss I suffered that day, but I am learning to celebrate the life I gained that day.
Without further ado, I present Maddox Lucille’s homemade mile high rainbow birthday cake!!
So basically, I may never be over the loss I suffered that day, but I am learning to celebrate the life I gained that day.
Without further ado, I present Maddox Lucille’s homemade mile high rainbow birthday cake!!
Maddox Lucille, my love for you grows stronger everyday. Your smiles are contagious. Your humor is one of a kind. You loved to be scared and appreciate jokes! You are the hardest worker I know. You brave every challenge without fear. You will accomplish anything you set out to do. Don’t be afraid of the world. Spread your love, teach others the foundations of life. Your dad and I believe in you. You are already on your way, making your mark. You are without a doubt, burning a whole new appreciation into my soul. We love you, Happy 2nd Birthday Maddox Lucille.
And the countdown has begun!
And the countdown has begun!
See you next year when she hits the big ol three!!
Oh....
And wish us luck during the terrible twos. (Although I hear it really should be labeled the terrible twos AND threes.)
And wish us luck during the terrible twos. (Although I hear it really should be labeled the terrible twos AND threes.)
Comments:
ANONYMOUS
1) Happy Birthday Maddox!
2) I especially love the "chocolate face" picture :-)
3) What a journey - WOW!
4) I wish every child had such supportive family and friends.
Randy Christensen
Livermore, CA
MONDAY, JANUARY 16, 2012 - 01:50 PM
TNT23TNT23@YAHOO.COM
Just stumbled upon your website... Maddox is such a beautiful baby!! You are a inspiration to me.. I have a child with severe autism and i wish i was as strong as you are. I understand the mourning of a child that you dreamed of. When my daughter was younger i dreamed of what her life would be like and what my life would be like. But that all changed when she was 2 1/2 years old and we learned that she may have "Autism" and then to get the DX when she was 4 everything i dreamed for her and for myself "died" in a sense. But she is now almost 11 and I have a new set of dreams and hopes for her. She is a bright young lady who just marches to the tune of a unheard drummer. Thank you for you honesty and sharing Maddox with me. Hugs from Idaho
TUESDAY, JANUARY 17, 2012 - 12:58 AM
ANONYMOUS
Hi! I too stumbled on your video on you tube and I broke into tears honestly. I haven't cried for maybe more than 6 months now...I was feeling exactly how you are feeling right now 6 months ago ( more or less). My daughter Melanie, she's 3 and a half also has the Down Syndrome and I too struggled with different emotions and I was so sad about the fact that she's not what we, no I expected her to be. You see my husband handled this situation much better. The first time she did her therapy was at 4 months and she cried so hard and my heart just ached literally from feeling so sorry for her. I thought wow all this just for a shot of even being a bit "normal".... I want her to have friends, a best friend, to go out dancing, meet boys or maybe you know lie to me just to borrow the car...( maybe not so much that :)) As time went buy I just got over it. We are now the best of friends, we have so much fun together and I can see that she loves hanging out with me. What changed for me was that I started to just treat her like how I treat my older son Francesco who is 6. I still do therapy with her myself but I'm more relaxed now...I let her decide what she likes or what we should, at times I just let her teach me. I got to know her a lot more doing that and I guess I realized that she's happy with who she is and that I should be too. By the way we live in the south of Italy where everything seems to be moving backwards....where families with special needs children are even ashamed of them:( Government structures are not all equipped to do physical rehabilitation because there is practically nothing! But Melanie managed to walk at 2...also 'coz I did therapy myself with her everyday...whatever I could think of and use.
Happy Birthday Maddox!!!! You are so lucky to have a very supportive family and a very dedicated mother. Hope one day you can get to know Melanie and play :)
THURSDAY, JANUARY 19, 2012 - 12:40 AM
ANONYMOUS
Wow, hi we are an average successful family that wants to give back to our community and support DS family’s in our region. We don’t know anything about DS but I recently started doing some research and came across your site and need to say you’re awesome. I so appreciate you sharing your honesty and raw emotions. Keep up the raw emotions because it is real and I can only assume the majority of parents are going through the same emotions and need to heart it. Today we invited a local family with a DS daughter over for dinner. My goal is to discuss how we can help. Just keep up the great works and we will do our part to help families in need. We will keep you posted and I shared your video with many others.
SUNDAY, MARCH 4, 2012 - 05:54 AM
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