I woke up sick to my stomach. Today was a day that I have been dreading. I have my first outing that I have to take Maddox because I do not have a babysitter. I am worried that she won’t behave while I get my teeth cleaned. I am also worried about what everyone at the dentist office will say. Do I tell them or not. If I don’t will they feel silly the next time they see her? If I do, how will they react? If I don’t say anything, will they notice her features and wonder if I know. Oh, this gets so complicated. I just want to stay in bed all day.
My mom convinced me that this will be ok, I will be ok. Everyone at the office will help me take care of her while my teeth are getting cleaned and the right words will flow out of my mouth exactly as they are supposed to.
Guess what....No, I did not cry. My mom was right. The visit went perfect. The secretary held Maddox the entire time and the words did flow out of my mouth perfectly. Today I jumped over a few more hurdles. I began to think I just might be able to do this. My mind did a complete 180 degree turn. Previously I had been worried about Maddox’s future. Today I am ok with the big picture, I am just terrified of the moment. I am terrified because I think I am falling in love with this little girl.