Scott and I got up early to clean the house before his parents came to visit. While we are cleaning he told me my hearing aid was whistling. I went into the bedroom and decided to finally and carefully put on my new molds so the whistling would stop. I had a bad feeling about this and was very careful as i replaced the parts. I started with the right side. The new hook screwed on so tight and so I loosened it and tightened it again just to see if maybe I had it on wrong. I thought to myself, I wonder if the 13 year old plastic material will break before the internal mechanics of the aid.
I then took the left hook off and was carefully replacing that one when snap, just as I flipping imagined it. I took a deep breath and was pretty much in shock. I walked out to Scott in a silent panic and said, “It broke, my hearing aid is broke.”
I tried to find the key to the fireproof box to get my spare set out but panicked. Scott kept telling me to calm down, he knew I was on the verge of a major meltdown. I put the back up [air in but they did not work. I would be as if you were putting on a pair of eyeglasses you wore 13 years ago, major funkness about it and makes you extremely dizzy like vertigo. Yep, I pretty much lost it. We use our ears foe everything and to suddenly lose that sense for you don’t know how long can drive a person to insanity and after the past two months experiences, I was there.
I also had a doctors appointment where I learned I was going to have to have a procedure to remove fragments of the placenta that remained in my uterus. Until this year I have not taken a single antibiotic since 2000. I don’t take medicine if I can avoid it (thus how I managed to deliver naturally). I have just found out I am going to be put to sleep for the procedure. This just plain freaks me out. A medicine that allows for me not to feel pain and not to remember anything about the procedure. Creepy. To make matters worse, Maddox is not drinking from a bottle and now I have to pump and dump because of the anesthetic. I feel like I am a row of dominoes, one event triggers another and when I fall, each one lands flat on their face.
A quote from my journal that day reads, “I have hit rock bottom.”
You learn really fast who your friends (and family) are in a situation like this. Some whom I thought were my friends turned the other way while others whom I hardly knew stepped up to the plate swinging.
Yes, I got help, tons of help, and owe a great big thank you to everyone involved in that process.
What I have learned today is the harder I hit the higher I bounce.
This post is not all bad I promise. I am on my way up now. I decided to talk with Maddox. For the record, she came alive today. She was smiling, cooing, attempting to make facial movements, anticipating, and doing amazing baby things. I really began to fall in love today.
But.....I had to leave her for while this evening because I had another team waiting for me. Yep, my volleyball team needed a player for the tournament. Out of shape and not having done more than walk up a flight of stairs in 9 months I was going to hit the courts. When I got there, I really thought I could shake the past two months off and be myself. I learned it was not that easy, I tried so hard but was anxious, sad, and jittery. Everybody at the tournament was very respectful but I learned something that night. I looked around and saw a husband who had lost his wife and a gal fighting cancer. I am sure there were many other personal victories among this crowd and I realized that this is life, it must go on, life is precious, and no matter how bad it gets, you have to keep on climbing. You have to because there is no other way to get to the top.
I then took the left hook off and was carefully replacing that one when snap, just as I flipping imagined it. I took a deep breath and was pretty much in shock. I walked out to Scott in a silent panic and said, “It broke, my hearing aid is broke.”
I tried to find the key to the fireproof box to get my spare set out but panicked. Scott kept telling me to calm down, he knew I was on the verge of a major meltdown. I put the back up [air in but they did not work. I would be as if you were putting on a pair of eyeglasses you wore 13 years ago, major funkness about it and makes you extremely dizzy like vertigo. Yep, I pretty much lost it. We use our ears foe everything and to suddenly lose that sense for you don’t know how long can drive a person to insanity and after the past two months experiences, I was there.
I also had a doctors appointment where I learned I was going to have to have a procedure to remove fragments of the placenta that remained in my uterus. Until this year I have not taken a single antibiotic since 2000. I don’t take medicine if I can avoid it (thus how I managed to deliver naturally). I have just found out I am going to be put to sleep for the procedure. This just plain freaks me out. A medicine that allows for me not to feel pain and not to remember anything about the procedure. Creepy. To make matters worse, Maddox is not drinking from a bottle and now I have to pump and dump because of the anesthetic. I feel like I am a row of dominoes, one event triggers another and when I fall, each one lands flat on their face.
A quote from my journal that day reads, “I have hit rock bottom.”
You learn really fast who your friends (and family) are in a situation like this. Some whom I thought were my friends turned the other way while others whom I hardly knew stepped up to the plate swinging.
Yes, I got help, tons of help, and owe a great big thank you to everyone involved in that process.
What I have learned today is the harder I hit the higher I bounce.
This post is not all bad I promise. I am on my way up now. I decided to talk with Maddox. For the record, she came alive today. She was smiling, cooing, attempting to make facial movements, anticipating, and doing amazing baby things. I really began to fall in love today.
But.....I had to leave her for while this evening because I had another team waiting for me. Yep, my volleyball team needed a player for the tournament. Out of shape and not having done more than walk up a flight of stairs in 9 months I was going to hit the courts. When I got there, I really thought I could shake the past two months off and be myself. I learned it was not that easy, I tried so hard but was anxious, sad, and jittery. Everybody at the tournament was very respectful but I learned something that night. I looked around and saw a husband who had lost his wife and a gal fighting cancer. I am sure there were many other personal victories among this crowd and I realized that this is life, it must go on, life is precious, and no matter how bad it gets, you have to keep on climbing. You have to because there is no other way to get to the top.
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