Maddox received her last dose of antibiotics at 1:30 PM. We placed her in her car seat and Scott like a proud dad went to get the car and park in the Oval. This is my third discharge from the hospital in the past three weeks. I carried Maddox out of the hospital. It was a terrible moment. I wanted so badly to feel like a proud new mom. I had going home outfits for the both of us and neither one of us got into them. As I walked that long hallway, the one I walked everyday for the past week, I was praying nobody would stop me to look at her.
Welcome to what is called the emotional roller coaster. It is an expression, one that is overused because once you have truly hopped on, it is a ride you will never ever want to take again.
I began to feel terrible for her that I would pray nobody would look at her. This is the beginning of the bad thoughts followed by the guilty thoughts.
We put Maddox in the car and neither one of us rode in the back. There was no mirror, we couldn’t see her. We just silently rode home.
Just before we pulled into the garage, the phone rang. It was the first of millions that were soon to come. It was my notice that the first medical appointment has been scheduled for Maddox. It only took 15 minutes from the time she was discharged for all this to start. Here is the worst part. I was talking to the medical schedulers while Scott took Maddox in the house......by himself.
This is not how I envisioned brining home our first child.
I walked in the house, sat on the couch, and stayed there for several hours watching the world work around me. Mom was caring for Maddox and Scott was unpacking all of our belongings.
I want to be back in the comfort of the hospital, reality “just plain sucks.”
(You know who you are, thanks for that quote).